Table 5 Future Conditions. Item: I need more information on my future conditions

By 'future' I mean also the quality of life because someone can say "you will live for 10 years", but "how will I live?". More detailed information is needed; like, for example: "you must cope with this or that"; but doctors just give summarized information. This is true above all about oncologists.

Also I mean the possibility of being cured, but here everything is reported in statistical terms; it is very schematic: "50% responded like that; 30% like this". But no one knows what their own percentage will be. They don't consider your own case. This case must be considered; for with the same disease one patient may be in a bad state, while another feels OK. They cannot be equal; this should be considered. But they only consider the state of the disease and everything is related to that.

They tend not to speak. They don't open up. If you continue to ask questions maybe you will hear things said that you wouldn't want to hear. The answer, beyond a certain point, is not stimulating but soul destroying. It is worth asking questions, but only up to a certain point.

Length and Quality of Life

For me it is more important to think "the years that I have left to live will have a certain quality of life," rather than "I have so and so many years to live".... of course. While before I, who had never been ill, used to think that nothing could happen to me or, rather, I took it for granted instead of thinking about it, now, I don't take anything for granted and this illness changes my life a lot. You have to re-see everything. However, you lose 2 years of your life. You can see it is impossible to keep your old job, your place of responsibility, and then you choose to have a life different from the one before. You try to analyze what didn't go well before. I, now, would remedy a certain degree of superficiality of my old life. I am very attentive now; much more of my attention is focused on many things; many signs. Before, I used to pass over things that were important; things that would always be done 'afterwards'. Now I make different choices; of course I would not neglect so many signs any more. This cancer was discovered by chance; I had completely neglected to heed certain messages my body communicated to me...

Things Precise and Nearby

I feel great discomfort as I go along this winding path that changes from time to time; and from time to time my future conditions also change. From time to time cloudy and uncertain information is given to me, probably because my response to treatments is cloudy and uncertain; however, my future conditions are completely dependent on contingencies.

It's not about a far off future, but about things precise and nearby.